The time had come to make a monumental decision because something had to give. I sat down with my principal and discussed my options, which were few. With a heavy heart and guilty conscience, I took a leave of absence beginning in February 2010 so that I could devote more time to taking care of Sean and our family.
I felt terrible, as though I was abandoning my class, my students, my coworkers. I felt like I'd had a massive weight lifted at the same time as I would no longer have the responsibility of running a classroom. There was an excellent replacement lined up to finish out my year, so I was leaving the students in capable hands. It was a time of confusion and sadness, loss and relief.
But I knew it had to be done. I had been keeping too many things in the air for too long. I needed to be strong and rested in order to best be there for Sean.
I have since decided not to return for the 2010-2011 school year. Currently we are traveling to Sioux Falls weekly and that is not conducive to teaching. There has also been some hold up with getting the PTSD follow up, so that is not as far along as we would like. The best thing for us for the time being is for me to be home and continue to manage Sean's care and take care of myself.